Archive for Marriage Equality

Good People

These NOM folks are good people.

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Think Of The Children

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Gay Zombies

True believer Stephen Colbert speaks the truthe about the Evil Gay Agenda™:

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Now that we have passed discriminatory laws in 31 American states to deny Gays the right to marry the person they love, activist legislators in Rhode Island tried to sneak in a new law that would have still allowed for the complete destruction of society — a law to explicitly allow gay couples to give proper dignity and respect to each other when one partner dies. How dare those legislators try and pass laws without the permission of the catholic governor of Rhode Island. Luckily, he quickly put a stop to this nonsense with his veto pen. Who do these Gays think they they are. Just because you’ve spent 17 years living in a committed and loving relationship, you don’t deserve any legal protections when one partner dies. Never-you-mind that a simple marriage certificate automatically gives one spouse complete authority on how the other spouse is buried, even if they’ve only been married for 2 hours.

Gov Carcieri correctly points out that this law was too lax regarding proof of a committed relationship. We all know the first thing on the mind of those evil Gays is to screw over a loved one’s biological family when he or she dies. Even if you do spend 10 years living with your partner, it should be a distant cousin, twice removed, that gets to decide how he or she is buried and that person should also get to decide if you are even allowed to attend the funeral!

Oh and if you were dumb enough to only have your partner’s name on the deed to your house, then plan on moving out the next day because there is no way in hell you’re going to get to continue to live in the house you’ve called a home for the past 10 years. That beautiful home is going to that same distant cousin. Never-you-mind that  spouses in opposite marriages automatically inherit all property from their deceased spouse, even if they’ve only been married for 2 hours. We believe in the sanctity of traditional marriages performed in drive-thru wedding chapels in Las Vegas!

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Proud To Be Heterosexual

Of course we all know that being straight is 12.7 times better than being gay.

But this article on the Daily Kos makes it that much more apparent:
I’m heterosexual, and it’s just freakin’ fantastic

I have never heard of the Daily Kos before. It must be some new conservative site. Perhaps they can help develop the umbrellas.

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I’m Confused And Scared

Now I’m so confused. He seems to make sense, but he can’t be right! Can He? Maggie Gallagher told me The Gays don’t deserve to have marriages. And what is this he said about considering my wife to be property? Can I have that kind of marriage still? Oh and is it wrong for me to think he is attractive?

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The Truthe® Comes From Maine

lighthouseOur fellow haters and bigots in the great state of Maine are in a struggle to undo the sinful work of activist judges the state’s elected officials. While The Gays claimed victory against discrimination on May 05, our kind is working hard to get the civil rights of a minority group suppressed by mob rule a majority vote by a potential ballot question.

The fine bigots at the Maine Marriage Alliance have done extensive research to answer the commonly asked questions about marriage. When asked how allowing two men or two women down the street to marry might affect your straight marriage performed in a Las Vegas drive thru chapel, they provide this brilliant answer:

Legal recognition for openly non-monogamous gay unions would effectively destroy the taboo on adultery. The result is a continual downfall of families and society.

Stanley Kurtz, a research fellow at Stanford University explains: “What we need to understand — but do not — is that gay marriage will undermine the structure of taboos that continue to protect heterosexual marriage — and will do so far more profoundly than either the elimination of sodomy laws, or the general sexual loosening of the past thirty years. Above all, marriage is protected by the ethos of monogamy — and by the associated taboo against adultery. The real danger of gay marriage is that it will undermine the taboo on adultery, thereby destroying the final bastion protecting marriage: the ethos of monogamy.”

It’s so obvious! Even though The Gays are fighting for official recognition of their love and willingness to commit to a lifelong monogamous relationship, what they really want to do is sleep with the straight husband or wife down the street. Once we allow The Gays to rise to the same level of love as we straights have, then the logical outcome is that straight men will suddenly become adulterers. Never you mind that the whole point of Gay Marriage is to celebrate and recognize monogamous gay relationships. They are of course lying and are really just looking for a best bud to go to swingers parties with.

P.S. — We borrowed that lighthouse picture from Maine Marriage Alliance’s website. We completely disagree that it looks like a penis and two testicles.

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Fuck You!

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Gay Marriage Will Cause More Economic Hardship

Michael SteeleThe brilliant and politically relevant GOP Chairman Michael Steele has uncovered another societal downfall that gay marriage will bring:

Now all of a sudden I’ve got someone who wasn’t a spouse before, that I had no responsibility for, who is now getting claimed as a spouse that I now have financial responsibility for. So how do I pay for that? Who pays for that? You just cost me money.

Chairman Steele made this statement to a group of true believers at a state GOP convention in Georgia. We here at the GGRU project completely agree with Chairman’s Steele’s statement. He is absolutely right. In fact, we believe that in these dire economic times, small business owners need to be protected from all unexpected costs. There should be a temporary ban on all marriages until we rescue the economy. Small business owners should not have to live up to their obligations to support families unless they budgeted for it 10 years ago.

If The Gays get their way, every male employee who is still single will jump at the chance to marry their best friend or roommate. There will be an overnight increase in health care costs associated with dependent spouses. Never you mind that a civilized society is supposed to support committed relationships and that money spent on health care or other benefits will be returned through a healthier population and increased employee output. Please ignore the fact that no one stops your Christian coworkers from fathering 12 children, who all get put on the company health insurance. Society can’t afford change. We’ve got real bills to pay!

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Oh Noes! The rain is starting!

So The Gays are now organizing and creating their own videos about the coming storm. This video seems to suggest that The Gays are normal and won’t flood our christian nation with their deviant ways.

Wait — are those babies? The Gays can make babies now?!?! In pairs?!?!
Please save us Maggie Gallagher and NOM!

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