Gay Zombies

True believer Stephen Colbert speaks the truthe about the Evil Gay Agenda™:

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Now that we have passed discriminatory laws in 31 American states to deny Gays the right to marry the person they love, activist legislators in Rhode Island tried to sneak in a new law that would have still allowed for the complete destruction of society — a law to explicitly allow gay couples to give proper dignity and respect to each other when one partner dies. How dare those legislators try and pass laws without the permission of the catholic governor of Rhode Island. Luckily, he quickly put a stop to this nonsense with his veto pen. Who do these Gays think they they are. Just because you’ve spent 17 years living in a committed and loving relationship, you don’t deserve any legal protections when one partner dies. Never-you-mind that a simple marriage certificate automatically gives one spouse complete authority on how the other spouse is buried, even if they’ve only been married for 2 hours.

Gov Carcieri correctly points out that this law was too lax regarding proof of a committed relationship. We all know the first thing on the mind of those evil Gays is to screw over a loved one’s biological family when he or she dies. Even if you do spend 10 years living with your partner, it should be a distant cousin, twice removed, that gets to decide how he or she is buried and that person should also get to decide if you are even allowed to attend the funeral!

Oh and if you were dumb enough to only have your partner’s name on the deed to your house, then plan on moving out the next day because there is no way in hell you’re going to get to continue to live in the house you’ve called a home for the past 10 years. That beautiful home is going to that same distant cousin. Never-you-mind that  spouses in opposite marriages automatically inherit all property from their deceased spouse, even if they’ve only been married for 2 hours. We believe in the sanctity of traditional marriages performed in drive-thru wedding chapels in Las Vegas!

16 Responses to “Gay Zombies”

  • FPSaddict says:

    Does this have anything to do with the upcoming release of Left4dead 2?

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  • SuperRainbowGayGurl says:

    lol, Colbert is SARCASTIC
    u r extremely dumb…
    go die in a hole please

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  • Csilla says:

    How can people think like this? I tell you this first: I AM straight. BUT I do believe with my heart completely that gay people should have the same rights as anyone else. Are you people totally dumb? Take a murderer, for example. Is a murderer more of a person than gay people just because he is straight? That does not make sense at all. The only thing people think like that is hatred. They hate gay people because they hate themselves. I say, lets all live in peace with each other. I believe in souls of people, I believe everyone has a soul. Love is the purest thing in the world, no matter who loves who. I believe that if someone is capable of love, then he or she, no matter who their loved one is, is blessed, and should be treated the same way as everyone else in our society. It discusts me how people turn against gay marriage. Peace.

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    johnny Reply:

    @Csilla, Child! Look up the word satire.

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  • ColbertNation says:

    idiots. colbert probably wants nothing but equal treatment for all americans shove your umbrella up your ass and open it up.
    have a super day!!!!

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  • TK says:

    Yeah, luckily in The Netherlands we already have a separation between church and state.

    Marriage is traditionally done twice: Once before the municipality and sometimes before the church.

    The ceremony in the church is nothing more than a ceremony, it has no legal value.

    In the death section, the church is just one of the players in the free funeral market, so are crematories and public burial places.

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  • mark says:

    this site is sick, you americans are brain dead

    burn straght pepole, gays are the normal ones

    and no i dnt find it funy

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    Seamus Reply:

    @mark, Another thing. At the bottom of the page it says. PLEASE GET THAT THIS IS A JOKE!! SEE SATIRE!!!

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  • Oscar says:

    I mean no offence to anybody here, but I honestly don’t understand how someone can stumble across a website called “giant gay repellent umbrella” and believe it is serious.

    Guys, come back when you’ve looked up the word ‘satire’. Peace.

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    Kathryn Reply:

    @Oscar, I am so with you. I came here hoping for fun satire and discussion, and all the comments are just person after person failing to understand the most blatant of parodies. It’s great that there are so many people who want to speak up for same sex marriage, but this is just kind of sad.

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  • Seamus says:

    @mark, Yo, did you know that this site is a complete satire of homophobics? Did you not see the phrase at the end of the title which CLEARLY states that this site is paid for by God and doctors?

    Doesn’t that strike you as sarcastic?
    -.-

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  • austinray434 says:

    The umbrella site is also sitire. Its from that prop 8 music video I’m sure the creators are all for equal rights and gay marriage

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  • Troy McVay says:

    if gay can’t have the same right as straight people then ya are playing God and all you peoeple that belive this way can go rote in hell…

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  • Nick says:

    God damn people, how can you not see that this is satire?

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  • Jim says:

    Two years later and it’s still relevant. No wonder God hasn’t spoken directly to us in two millenia — if you can’t say anything nice …

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  • Totallynotaclosetedlesbian... says:

    Gay Zombies?! Will my original flavor zombie apocalypse kit allow me to survive or do I need special add-ons for the gay zombie apocalypse?

    [Reply]

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