Archive for November, 2009

Gay Zombies

True believer Stephen Colbert speaks the truthe about the Evil Gay Agenda™:

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Now that we have passed discriminatory laws in 31 American states to deny Gays the right to marry the person they love, activist legislators in Rhode Island tried to sneak in a new law that would have still allowed for the complete destruction of society — a law to explicitly allow gay couples to give proper dignity and respect to each other when one partner dies. How dare those legislators try and pass laws without the permission of the catholic governor of Rhode Island. Luckily, he quickly put a stop to this nonsense with his veto pen. Who do these Gays think they they are. Just because you’ve spent 17 years living in a committed and loving relationship, you don’t deserve any legal protections when one partner dies. Never-you-mind that a simple marriage certificate automatically gives one spouse complete authority on how the other spouse is buried, even if they’ve only been married for 2 hours.

Gov Carcieri correctly points out that this law was too lax regarding proof of a committed relationship. We all know the first thing on the mind of those evil Gays is to screw over a loved one’s biological family when he or she dies. Even if you do spend 10 years living with your partner, it should be a distant cousin, twice removed, that gets to decide how he or she is buried and that person should also get to decide if you are even allowed to attend the funeral!

Oh and if you were dumb enough to only have your partner’s name on the deed to your house, then plan on moving out the next day because there is no way in hell you’re going to get to continue to live in the house you’ve called a home for the past 10 years. That beautiful home is going to that same distant cousin. Never-you-mind that  spouses in opposite marriages automatically inherit all property from their deceased spouse, even if they’ve only been married for 2 hours. We believe in the sanctity of traditional marriages performed in drive-thru wedding chapels in Las Vegas!

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