The Bible Defines Marriage
Speak the word, Sister Betty.
18 Responses to “The Bible Defines Marriage”
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this is amazing.
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We have a straight marriage which has been consummated with children as God and natural law intend. We support our children and love them dearly, but they know we will switch to hating and persecuting them if they decide to be gay.
We believe Marriage = 1 Man and 1 Woman and 1 Mistress. (Or Mistertress, as we are not sexist.) We also believe the sanctity of marriage can be preserved with an appropriately sequenced alternation of marriage and divorce.
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OMG Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 11:05 am
@StraightUpMarried,
I hope this is a joke.
I really hope.
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StraightUpMarried Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Sigh.
Sarcasm is wasted on some people.
If you read my last paragraph carefully, perhaps you would notice some clues that this is sarcasm.
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amanda benson Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
@StraightUpMarried, indeed sarcasism is wasted on many people, they should put the fact it is a joke right under “paid for by god and doctors”
Cord Reply:
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:06 am
@StraightUpMarried,
i loved it! made me laugh from the get go…especially loved the mistresses thing.
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Hey, she didnt mention what the bible says about my 6 husbands and 13 toyboys. Sexist much?
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amanda benson Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
@Shaz S, that means you’re going to hell whether you are male or female.
gotta love sexism
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What about people who have a moral objection to gay marriage that is outside of the Christian Bible? *sigh*. Atheists are a bunch of total fucking idiots
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JfC Reply:
October 14th, 2009 at 12:40 am
@nick, It doesn’t come up much in America. Please enlighten us with a non-religious argument.
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Nick Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 5:29 am
@JfC, Look I understand this is a hot topic and many people might disagree but…
I personally believe I have the right to object to gay marriage without persecution. It is my contention that homosexual relations are purely forms of masturbation and have no purpose to the creation of life at all. I believe that “marriage” is between a man and a woman and is solely a religious ceremony. I feel outraged that my beliefs are being squashed by the politically correct world. If a same sex couple wish to be together that is not my problem? How would a marriage change their love?
Thanks for reading
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Matt Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
@Nick, so I assume you only have sex when you want to procreate, and that you use no form of birth control, ever. How sad, considering the growing problem of overpolulation.
How would two people of the same sex getting married change your marriage? If you don’t like it, don’t get married to a dude. Gays are not trying to end marriage between a man and a woman, so you have nothing to fear.
Nick Reply:
October 16th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
@Matt, I have two questions. Why is there such a desire for gays to be married? I personally do not wish to be married because it is a religious ceremony. In Australia we have “de-facto Relationships” Which have the same rights a married couple would. How does marriage make a difference? My second question is how can homosexual males and females ignore the nature of all living things which is a male and a female together?
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Keeper of the Umbrella Reply:
October 26th, 2009 at 10:20 am
@Nick,
I don’t know much about the “de-facto Relationships” in Australia, but here in the US, a marriage certificate is not religious. It is a legal contract between two people that is recognized automatically by all 50 states and the federal government (the US is a republic). The marriage certificate gets you about 1800 rights and privileges. It would cost many tens of thousands of dollars to recreate all of those legal protections with lawyer-generated contracts. *SOME* states have Civil Unions for same sex partners, but they never grant all of the same rights in privileges and are not recognized by most other states or the federal government. (even though the constitution says they must be — there are legal obstacles setup to prevent the contracts from being recognized: DOMA)
So a civil marriage in the US will allow a committed same sex couple to protect assets, grant rights and privileges, and (most importantly in my opinion) give recognition that two people want to live their lives together and create a family. Maybe it’s not the same kind of family you’re used to, but it’s still a family.
Same sex marriage will do nothing to stop the nature of all living things which is male and female — except of course for gays and lesbians, who for them/us the natural order of things i male-male or female-female. Human beings are very complex animals. Not everyone is like you. But just because some of us are different, doesn’t mean we deserve to be ghettoized or disrespected by saying there is something else we should get instead of a civil marriage.
And just because you don’t want to get married, doesn’t mean you should deny someone else’s desire to get married. There is nothing religious about a state issue civil marriage certificate.
Nick Reply:
October 31st, 2009 at 8:44 am
Well said. thank you very much for your argument. It has given me some thinking to do. I hope your cause is heard.:D
K. Sek Reply:
January 31st, 2010 at 12:27 pm
@nick, First of all, amoeba don’t have any delegation of male and female, earthworms have both male and female parts, and females impregnate the males in seahorses. Your view of ‘life’ seems to be complex life forms, which means your assumption that all life is naturally in the form of males and females is foolish. Even if I was to specify ‘complex life forms with gender differentiation’ and then make that statement, with all the varieties of sexuality even outside of humanity, and the fact that eighty to ninety non-human species have been documented beyond doubt (with many, many more undocumented or documented but not stringently proven yet) to have homosexual proclivities, everything from dolphins to fireflies, your view of what is natural contains holes big enough to drive a truck through.
Second of all, it’s very clear that you don’t understand the difference between homosexuality and being transgendered – wanting to be a different gender and being attracted to the same gender are not the same. In fact, love, lust, and sexuality in general are too complex to be narrowed down to /don’t you know it should be a woman and a man./ And further, I want to know something very, very important from you, and I look forward to this answer: who is being hurt?
If a man and another man, or a woman and another woman, love each other enough to want to spend the rest of their lives together, who is that hurting? The family? When gay couples adopt, their children have consistently rated their happiness and productivity at school higher than the adopted children of straight couples. Marriage? Are you telling me that religious people won’t get married because gay people can be married to? Good luck to them, it’ll be lonely having no or pre-marital sex for the rest of their life. The government? I don’t see how the love lives of individuals affects the government in any way.
For the rest, that whole “Marriage is religious!” nonsense, well, atheists are married all over the world. You might not get married, but I fully intend to, and I’m an atheist. I can’t say anymore without stepping on Keeper of the Umbrella’s toes, so I won’t. Have a pleasant day.
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this is fab.. the dissection of he bible should be taught in schools..
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