Personal Gay Repellent Umbrella
A press release was just sent to us by a former New York City doctor (he had to choose his faith over his practice, obviously). He now lives in Los Banos, CA where he is assisting in the most recent concept and construction for a personal version of the Giant Gay Repellent Umbrella. The heavily guarded Los Banos division of the GGRU Project has produced this prototype which is being seriously investigated and considered for nationwide distribution (if proven successful and effective) by the National Organization for Man Lady Marriage. These personal versions may have to be sufficient protection until we can get the Giant Gay Repellent Umbrella built.
If you live in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont or Maine you will likely need one of these personal sized umbrellas immediately. To our fellow bigots in New Hampshire and New York, we can only hope your state legislators wise up and embrace the hatred they need to continue to deny the simple civil right of marriage to The Gays.
He sent us this exclusive photo of the prototype. The rainbow trimming on the tester’s clothing is obviously there to help attract more of The Gays so as to help prove the effectiveness of this personal version of the GGRU. So exciting!
As was discussed regarding earlier designs, it’s too fashionable. While its mechanical design will indeed repel gays, its attractiveness will draw them. We are not trying to embody the complex and contradictory aspects of human sexuality in our umbrella; we just want to keep the gays away. Sometimes oversimplification, even at the expense of truth, is just the way to go.
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Lol!
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I agree with StraightUpMarried on this one. I think the only way to truly repel the gays is to cover the umbrella with clashing colors. I’m thinking a nice puce and neon chartreuse should do the trick. If all works out, the gays will avoid it like the plague.
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amanda benson Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
@AGuy, I concur, or perhaps neon pink faux fur trim and orange pleather fringe with puce polkadots.
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you people are all horrible people for thinking this kind of crap oh and before I forget charles this is not funny you are a jerk, you all need to open your minds and become kind people. If everyone was like you all then this world would still be an even more horrible place, no one would have the rights that we do now women would still be just housewives, African Americans would still be segregated, we would have another holocaust, and what do you mean by gay “repellent” you all sound like Adolph Hitler when you talk like this, this sounds to me just like his “Final Solution” to me
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Keeper of the Umbrella Reply:
June 1st, 2009 at 12:02 pm
@acaringperson,
I’m sorry if you’re offended by this site and some of the comments left by the site visitors.
Please understand that this site is a joke — it is satire. It might be difficult to follow without seeing the first blog post on the site, but this domain was created as a joke to make fun of “The Gathering Storm” advertisement that the National Organization for Marriage create. A laughable, hate filled organization that would like to do nothing less than eliminate gays and lesbians from their view of America.
Please watch the original NOM ad (it’s available at the top of the sidebar) and then please watch the the sequel that started this website.
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I just want the umbrella… where can i get one?
What does gay have to do with this umbrella?
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hahahahahahahhaha
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this is so gay!
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OH THANK GOD!!
I’ve almost given up hope! I almost thought I would be unprotected in this upcoming DOWNPOUR of great gay choreographed dance of terribleness!
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i*cough-cough* have recently caught the gay at a christian summer camp in the corn field recesses of nebraska. at first, it started as a graze of a friends had to the inner thigh, then it segued itno personal touches and kisses, mauling over into a hot, steamy, passionate same sex *COUGHS UP GLITTER* im sorry….its the gay. at first it was just us, but then it spreaded, like margarine on fresh toast, Camp Christ turned into a cespool that reminded me of the films of end of days, mama mia, and the island of doctor moreau. we shouldnt be concerned about the great umbrella ela ela eh eh eh*cough-cough* we should be looking for the cure. i tried everything: dark beers, strip clubs, manual labor. nothing seems to work. i need help; im slipping awaaaaaaaay….-in the background-*give a little love…away!* oh look, the ellen show is on!
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