Early Prototype
So it appears that work has already begun on the design and function of the umbrella. Fox News has an early prototype in development and a reader has submitted a picture of how it works.
(Click to make bigger)
Look at how well it protects you from all of The Gays.
I am infact for gay marriage but I do have extensive knowledge in building repellent umbrellas and the project sounds like lots of fun! how much will God and doctors pay me? and is it tax deductable?
Trisha
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i’m so glad you registered the domain! i think we should spray the large umbrella with gay-repellent. they sell it all your local wal-marts – it comes in a camo-can.
i think it’s so wonderful that the gay people are cooler!
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Thank you guys so very much. You positively made my day. My knowledge of repellent umbrellas isn’t what it use to be, but I will glad to work along side Trisha.
LANCE
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who’s going to hold up the giant umbrella? can we get some strong strapping man, like rock hudson? … oh wait…
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Mainmac Reply:
April 21st, 2009 at 9:55 pm
As they say, it takes a village to hold the umbrella up. Sounds like a job for The Village People.
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So once the giant gay repellent umbrellas really take off, there will have to be a few gay repellent umbrella factories to produce these giant umbrellas. That will create jobs. YAY for gays, cause without them we wouldn’t have the jobs created in the forming of the giant gay repellent umbrella factories!
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Commenting in an epic thread.
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I heard that gay people LOVE umbrellas. Are we sure that the liberal media isn’t just controlling the conservative media and telling us that we need a giant umbrella? Is this going to be publicly or privately funded?
A better idea would be to let smaller, private individuals build umbrellas, and let everyone else–poor people and skeptics–get crushed under the burden of falling homosexuals. Those that can’t afford large umbrellas can just pray that they’re hit by a twink and not a lesbian or a bear. God will protect them, if they deserve it.
OR
We could build a giant trampoline to propel the homosexuals back into outerspace, where God can punish them.
… and they say the conservatives don’t have any ideas. Pshaw.
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ciara Reply:
April 23rd, 2009 at 11:17 am
@Nicholas Blosser,
I think the trampoline is a FANTASTIC idea! could also create an online game so people can practice bouncing the gays back up to space to ensure maximum distance is achieved with minimal effort…
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Sofia Reply:
April 24th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
@Nicholas Blosser,
Man, I think you should really hold on to this whole trampoline idea. I mean, what if gays miss the umbrella? Even though they hit it, they would ultimately slide and fall on to the Earth anyway!
The trampoline seems to be a wise solution! Hopely, after a while they’ll get tired of trying to reach the ground and not being able to do so, and they’ll stop trying and leave us straight people alone for a change
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What happens if the gays miss the umbrella? Think of the children!!
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Nicholas Blosser Reply:
April 21st, 2009 at 6:47 pm
@Diana, If they had gone to a Massachusetts school, they would have already known the drill for falling homosexuals.
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Bekah Reply:
April 24th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
@Nicholas Blosser, Could you teach it to those of us not in Massachusetts schools? Pleease? I can’t risk catching the gay!
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Thank goodness for this organization. We must keep teh gay rain off of us and the only way to really do it is with this umbrella.
I am old enough to remember back in 1982 when it just started to rain men. People tried to say we could leave our umbrellas at home, but the humidity kept rising and the barometer kept going low, and just about 10:30, the skys opened up with men! It was fantas-, er, such a terrible experience.
Please, people…we have to prepare for the storm *is* coming!!
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Great job hating against Conservatives and Fox News. Nothing says unity like promoting hate! Awesome job, guys, really!I’m so proud that we can hate and hate and wake up tomorrow hating some more! Whoohoo! Pro-haters unite!
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Willy Boy Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 8:29 am
@ru,
Who has said diddly about hating anyone?
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ru Reply:
May 7th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
@Willy Boy,
…which video DID YOU watch? Love, tolerance and educating the public were pushed aside for character slams against a group that believes differently than we do.
Shame on ‘them’ (people who believe differently than we do)! In America people shouldn’t believe what they want, they cant have different opinions than we do, they cant have freedom of speech, freedom of religion…the horror!
How can we show love and peace when we have Alicia slurring her character slams across a stupid video? What credibilty we HAD with ‘them’ (the evil ‘them’) is gone after this SNL crap.
So, yes, now I’m back to “haters unite” cheers because its what we really are about – sitting around hating ‘them’. Don’t think so? Try defending Ms.CA rights to speech, religion and opinions with your friends and watch the hate vomit out (dont attempt until your drinks are covered – the hate vomit spreads fast)!!
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Jakey Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 3:11 pm
@ru,
sat·ire
Pronunciation:
\ˈsa-ˌtī(-ə)r\
Function:
noun
1: a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn
2: trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly
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bob Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:18 pm
@ru,
How can someone interpret an anti-hate message into a hate message? Aren’t FAUX News and conservatives against giving equal marriage rights to every American? I think you got the haters and the anti-haters mixed up.
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Disagreement Reply:
April 23rd, 2009 at 1:11 am
@ru, this isn’t hate, this is making fun of a poorly presented message. If NOM were positing logical arguments, or at least presenting them in a logical fashion, then it’d be something to talk about in a civil manner.
Very few of the examples in the original video have to do with gay marriage, but rather gay rights as a whole. Which leads me to the conclusion these people are wanting to fight far more than gay marriage, as the other things they talk about exist already.
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If you turn the umbrella upside down, how much man urine does it hold?
Just wondering.
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That umbrella is entirely too stylish, even with the Fox logo on it. It should be either a somber Christian black, or a virginal pure white.
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Betty Bowers Reply:
April 21st, 2009 at 10:30 pm
@Robs,
I think I should hold it up, being America’s best Christian.
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I live in a community known for having lots of the gays. I need something more immediate while the umbrella is being constructed. Would a gay repellant poncho work?
Thanks for the information, until now, I have felt so alone.
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We’ll obviously need a giant gay-repellent umbrella STAND, for those days when it isn’t raining gays. I recommend the
Warren G. Harding memorial in Marion, Ohio:
http://www.city-data.com/picfilesc/picc32620.php
It’s not being used for anything important.
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When the gays fall from to umbrella wont they hit the ground, what if they get up and start walking again? The umbrella is a good idea but we need something else.
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Willy Boy Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 8:32 am
@arrow-straight,
It’s true. When teh gay hit the ground they seep in and reach the water table, contaminating the water supply. Fluoridation won’t be enough. I fear we are doomed.
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Wait a minute. Elton John is gay?!?
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puffy Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 11:48 am
@Neil, best reply on here.
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I’m not too thrilled about the color scheme to be honest.
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this is just sick and wrong. WHo do you think u are? so offensive!
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Patton Reply:
April 21st, 2009 at 11:42 pm
@alr, A parody. Google “parody”.
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We need to have a good old fashioned round-up and then take all the queers to slaughter!
I am so sick of having this BS pushed down my throat everytime I tune on the TV or computer! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
Go back in the closet idiots!
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Jen Reply:
April 21st, 2009 at 9:25 pm
@Yes on 8, so you’re sick of having this BS pushed down your throat (ahem) every time you. . . go to a website called Big Gay Repellent Umbrella? Were you hoping for schematics to build such an umbrella? Go hang out at Drudge Report or Focus on the Family and spread your ignorant vitriol there. As for go back in the closet GOOD LUCK with that one. Take an anger management class and get over it.
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Yes on 8 Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 1:12 am
@Jen, either grow a dick or figure out what your pussy is made for…Until then, look who is ignornat!
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Meg Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 1:23 am
@Yes on 8, at least Jen can spell… =) Perhaps you should return to the third grade. Oh oops, I forgot Conservatives home school their children so they can brain wash them more effectively. Maybe you should figure out that your penis is not for fucking your sister with. Have a horrible life stuck inside your box.
Jen Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 9:40 am
@Yes on 8, technically it’s a vulva and if you are not horrified by the idea of sex education, you can learn all about how it works here. And there’s even an educational puppet!
http://houseochicks.com/
What really annoys me is the idea that you can say gay people are morally lesser than you, but you have no problem yelling dick and pussy at me anonymously on a website. Not very Jesus-y, pro-family or Christian (or Mormon) of you. Unfortunately California has not called for a proposition outlawing jerks. But it’s California, I’m sure they will eventually.
aWorldQuiteMad Reply:
April 21st, 2009 at 11:55 pm
@Yes on 8,
I’m going to resort to Godwin’s Law, because it’s totally appropriate here. The Nazis did that too. They put gay people, in addition to Jews, gypsies and others into concentration camps and massacred them. And they were such good Christians too, or so they claimed.
Why don’t all you fascists stop pretending. You’re mad a black guy is in the White House and you’re mad that gay people might be happy. Get over yourselves.
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Yes on 8 Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 1:17 am
@aWorldQuiteMad, I have resorted to what you queers have pushed me to belive. I was very opened minded, but I am sick and tired or hearing from your shit filled mouths. If you ever took a biology class, you would know that eating shit is nasty in any form. And since you had to bring up the White House, I did not vote for your Prez. and it is not due to him being black, it’s due to his lack of know how. And speaking of Nazis, you have to thank my Father for his loss of life figthing for your rights to have the freedoms you are so one sided on using!
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Big ole gay Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:58 am
@Yes on 8, again, why are you on this site if your tired of hearing from us?
Also.. I have never once eaten shit in biology class or even during gay sex. Perhaps the real reason you’re on this site is to find someone to share that strange habit with…?
Willy Boy Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 am
@Yes on 8,
Admit it… You like, no crave, things being stuffed down your throat, don’t you? Don’t you, bottom boy?!
Jen Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 9:42 am
@Yes on 8, that’s just what Jesus would say. I’m tired of hearing your shit-filled mouths. That’s beautiful.
@Yes on 8's gay lover Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 8:07 am
Hi honey, when are you coming home for same-sex dinner?
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Offendedbythis CRAP!!! Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 11:35 pm
OMG this has to be the most disrespectful thing i have read~!!!!!how can you say that about gays?? THEY ARE PEOPLE JUST LIKE YOU AND HAVE FEELINGS LIKE YOU!!! GROW THE FUCK UP!!!!! I am a single mom and have taught my children gay or straight EVERYONE is equal..It is LOSERS like you that make this world we live in so fucking messed up and full of hate!IM A LESBIAN AND PROUD OF IT!!! I dont push it on anyone nor would i ever do that…but you make me fucking sick to my stomach…GROW THE HELL UP YOU POMPEST ASSHOLE!!!!!
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Word Reply:
November 16th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
@Offendedbythis CRAP!!!, … It’s a joke… Just like your existence.
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I agree with a previous poster, the pictured ‘FOX prototype’ is inadequate. It’s too stylish. While the FOX News logo might cause a few of the Gays to steer clear, the bold, contrasting stripes may actually attract a few. The fix, you ask? Using stripes AND plaid. The use of both is sure to drive the Gays away. lol…
Honestly, the thought of ‘Gays on trampolines’ made me laugh until I cried. With all the hate in the world, sometimes the laughing voice is the loudest, and I’m proud that I can love someone for their differences. Good luck with the site, and thank you for bringing a happy gay rainbow to my otherwise dreary day…
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The sooner we build this umbrella the better, those hot sexy gay men are threatening the sanctiny of my marriage with their monogomus and committed relationship, it shouldn’t be allowed!!
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Yes on 8- none of can fit back in the closet because your repressed, homophobic, ignorant gay ass is already in there. If you’re ‘so tired’ of this ‘BS’, change the channel or go play at 700club.com where you can co-mingle with other overly righteous, pious, and hate-filled minions like yourself.
The video? HIGH-larious. Loved it! Why is it we gays have a better sense of humor about ourselves than anyone else? If you want a proper gay repellent umbrella, it should be rainbow because everyone KNOWS that a rainbow attracts gays, like moths to a flame. I always say a rainbow is God’s way of telling us hello.
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Jen Reply:
April 21st, 2009 at 9:28 pm
@speedy, right on and well said. Isn’t it interesting how the Yes On 8s of the world are all about protecting the sacred values of family, and the second they’re anonymous on a website it’s “round up the queers for slaughter”?
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Yes on 8 Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 1:20 am
@speedy, “attracts gays, like moths to a flame”. So happy to hear that, because where you are going, your going to burn, so please start applying the BBQ sauce by the gallons, your going to need every drop!
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angi Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:06 am
@Yes on 8,
Before you go around calling people “ignornat” please figure out if that’s even a word and then, if it is, figure out its meaning. Oh, and use some proper grammar.
If you watched that “Gathering Storm” video and took it literally, actually thinking the main focus was to stop gay marriage, then I’m pretty sure you’re the “ignornat” one.
Why else would someone as homophobic as yourself visit this website after watching the video?
Have fun in life and quit trying to dampen other peoples’ joy. I’m sure that was not your god’s purpose for your life.
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@Yes on 8's gay lover Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 8:08 am
Hi honey, can you bring home a head of lettuce for our same-sex salad tonight?
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Hmmm…. you know, gayrain.com and http://www.gayrainarmy.com also appear unclaimed. Y’all should team up with the 2m4m.org guys!
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May I suggest coating the umbrella with velcro?
That way, any falling The Gays will attatch themselves to it with their moustaches. All of The Gays have them, after all.
Freddie Mercury, Thomas Magnum, Hitler…
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Of course it’s a golf umbrella.
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Giant Gay Repellent Umbrella…
You have to click the image or link below to find out what the Giant Gay Repellent Umbrella is all about. No. It has nothing to do with The Umbrella Academy, Umbrella Corporation, Resident Evil, or My Chemical Romance. http://www.giantgayrepellentumbre...
@On the Fritz, are you sure that this has nothing to do with My Chemical Romance?
All four people shown on the left are in legal same-sex marriages; are any of the ones on the right? Are there different repellants for married gays and single gays?
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Wow! It looks like not only does it protect against gay saturation, but it keeps those pesky Jews away too!
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I think it’s fantastic you bought this domain. I love satire. Perhaps you’ll make raincoats next? Or rubbers… I’ll let you all take that to it’s logical conclusion.
What I don’t understand is, what difference does it make to anyone whether two guys down the street get married? What difference does it make in someone else’s life? I don’t get it. What this world needs is more love and less hate.
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So, why is only Fox sponsoring this? I would expect the Church of Later Saint Days to chip in. After all, it’s the Lord’s work that we’re doing here.
The giant umbrella is like an inverted Noah’s ark. And no, you liberal pinkos, I don’t mean “inverted” in THAT way!
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No Longer a Mormon Reply:
April 23rd, 2009 at 8:57 am
@Ariel,
Growing up I was raised Mormon and was taught ‘family values’ and love for one another. The LDS is all about family, it really is! However, here I am 23 years old and I can no longer defend my church or its values when asked all the typical questions ppl ask when they find out that I am Mormon. I cannot believe that they church spent an extrodinary amount of money to help Yes on 8. That money that we donate to our church is supposed to be spent on good things like building more churches and temples, feeding starving familys, youth programs, funding abuse shelters. Denying marriage to a same sex couple doesn’t seem to go along with the values I was taught from the LDS church while growing up. I am ashamed to have been Mormon and will no longer support the church.
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Effing Genius! Miss California will be so proud! You should call her up. I’m sure she’ll help you (I mean God) build this umbrella.
I LOVE SATIRE
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SOLD. I’ll take at least 3. One for me and one for my lesbian bodyguards.
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EVERYONE MAKES ME SICK TO MY STOMACH ON HERE!
why does everyone have to hate someone for who they love and who they are. Everyone should be ashamed of their self. Most men are stupid because they say they HATE gay ppl but when you see two women showing affection or doing something sexual to each other you think its sexy. WTF is up with men and women!! Men think its perfectly fine for women to love each other cause of their fantasies and so what. I think this website promotes hate and it should be shut down.
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Big ole gay Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 5:02 am
@fuck everybody on this site, um… honey, are you actually being serious?
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Willy Boy Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 8:38 am
@Big ole gay,
Be gentle, BoG. The humor impaired are a delicate lot.
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Jen Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 9:43 am
@fuck everybody on this site, take a deep breath, it’s satire. Look that up, and irony too, and relax.
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amanda benson Reply:
August 24th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
@fuck everybody on this site, It’s a joke………. can you say “sat-ire”
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If NOM want to save marriage, it should be focusing on divorce. People are trying to get married, but divorce is ok?
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I, too ,am concerned that the gays may slide for mt he umbrellas and land in random piles of gay sex. My tax money isn’t supporting that! Another scenario: What if they fall and get back up? Gay zombies!? They will rove the land eating brains and demanding glitter!
PS I love that that dude that owns the dress shop from OTH is in this.
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Jen Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 10:00 am
@AgentM, re: <>
There is TOTALLY an Off-Broadway musical in there. Write it!
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I love you.
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I’m so happy that I soon will have a gay umbrella
My lover and I will snuggle close under it, feeling protected;
it’s long stiff shaft rising up as I grip it in my hand
We’ll be so thankful to be dodging the gay as we walk together arm-in-arm,
blissfully skipping down the streets
When can I pre-order?
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oh, my gosh. I WANT ONE. can you imagine the conversations a person could have carrying that umbrella?
(does it come with a little Ellen perched on the side? That would be extra-awesome.)
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This umbrella needs to come with an optional funnel to catch the extra yummy girls and pour them my way! Lesbians! Falling from the sky! Fuck! Who needs The Cafe or Club Skirts anyhow??? Come on down, girls!
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I am God, and i will help you build the giant umbrella, BUT ONE THING im Broke.
For last, so if im god i want love in humans, SO LOVE EACH OTHER no matter if you gay or not.
Peace and Love
GAY PEOPLE ROCK
Love you allll
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We could probably make HUGE amounts of money selling this technology in various forms to the Mormons. Can the repellent material be used for church roofs and magic underwear?
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um …this entire concept is brilliant. FAITH, MORALITY AND RIGHTEOUSNESS!
A DOWNPOUR OF GAY PEOPLE IN THIS GAY RAIN ARMY CHOREOGRAPHED DANCE.
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It makes me sick to see us settling for this quick-fix umbrella solution when it means gays can take over the sky. How am I supposed to tell my children that the big thing in the sky is covered with gay rain armies? What if they see them out of a plane window and ask me what that pile of men is doing? I say we need a dome to keep the gays entirely out of our atmosphere, much like the one in the brilliant predictive documentary ‘Highlander II.’
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I can’t stand the way gay people are so gay. I am totally for a giant umbrella but let’s not forget their talent for new fragrances. We need a giant gay ionic breeze… and a complimentary gay bathroom ionic breeze at no additional cost.
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What am I supposed to do before the giant gay repellent umbrella is available to the public? I’m really scared that an unexpected gay storm will hit my home. I can’t have gay married people on my lawn, I just did my spring planting. Help Me!!!
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Iowa Guy Reply:
April 25th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
@ella,
They just issued a severe gay thunderstorm warning…I have insurance but if something happens to my house, I’m not sure I’ll be covered for the damages.
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It is about time the un-gay population started fighting this stupid crap back. I am so sick of hearing about gay people, who cares. I am straight but I don’t have to talk about it all the time or force others to be like me. I so sick of it all. I think we should have a remote control for the umbrella and put it on mute.
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SUPPORTGAYMARRIAGE Reply:
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:33 am
@Cynthia, are you trying to achieve equality? Are you fighting to be able to have the rights that as an American citizen you should already have but you’re denied because of your sexual preference? Gay people aren’t forcing anyone to be like them . . . why don’t you show some compassion.
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I have a straight marriage, so I need a giant gay repellent umbrella over my house. Can I request one here, or do I have to build it myself? Also, if one of our children turns out to be gay, can we let them live under the umbrella with us, or does that defeat the whole purpose? Could we compromise by hating them, but still let them live with us?
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Charley Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 6:05 pm
@StraightUpMarried, too far.
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Alice Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 6:18 pm
@StraightUpMarried, You must not hate your child (love the sinner, hate the sin) but you should still repel the child in case any other member of your family catches gayitis. Just think of the children…
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OHnoesTEHgayz Reply:
April 22nd, 2009 at 6:26 pm
@StraightUpMarried, best comment on the board.
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American brothers and sisters, you are not the only ones who are afraid. I’m in the UK and am afraid that very soon I might be buried in a pile of American Gays who have been repelled across the Atlantic. Also, I’m afraid that these umbrellas may not be available across the Atlantic and then America will be the only safe country and will have to rescue the rest of us, like in Independence Day. Do you think I could buy an umbrella on e-bay?
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ella Reply:
April 23rd, 2009 at 7:13 am
@UKgirl, You could buy one, but I don’t think an American Giant Gay Repellent Umbrella will work in the UK. I think it’s like how DVDs are formatted for different regions. Do you have God or Doctors in the UK? They could probably make you a special UK one that will work for you.
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No Longer a Mormon Reply:
April 23rd, 2009 at 9:07 am
@ella,
haha I think Europe invented the God we know today. King James bible remember? Oh and yes they have doctors in the UK I am told, along with free health care…
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UKgirl Reply:
April 23rd, 2009 at 9:35 am
@ella, that’s a good point. Do you think they’ll do multi-region umbrellas? If not, you might need to watch out for Elton John and Stephen Fry – they won’t be repelled by an American one.
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ella Reply:
April 24th, 2009 at 10:13 am
I think you are onto something UKgirl. Whatever we make needs to be international. There would be nothing worse than buying an American one, and then have that sneaky John Barrowman crash into our homes singing showtunes.
Oh no! It’s… it’s… it’s a GAYFRONT! Hide the children! Save us, God and Fox news!
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I have experience with gay flood protection and dyke erections. Sign me up.
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